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"Staged" Kitchen
This is a photo of the kitchen. All the best house staging experts advise covering your expensive granite countertops in gourds when selling. Works every time.
"Staged" Dining Room
Again from the archives of the first listing. I'd like to point out that the dining area is directly off the kitchen so why an extra small fridge 20 feet away from the regular fridge is necessary is a mystery to me.
"Staged" Bathroom
Tip: If you're taking pictures of your house for a real estate listing take time to put the toilet seat down. Really, it will be 2 seconds well spent.
"Staged" Office
For those of you following along this room is what I suspected was the headquarters of an on-line porn empire. Clearly my suspicions were justifed, take note of the two beds, electronic equiptment and numerous medals from the infamous Pornolympics.
"Staged" Backyard
What's a backyard in northern California without a hot tub. On a stone pedestal. Under a gazebo. Seriously.
"Staged" Garage
Two words. Beer pong! Who was the target audience for this photo? Presumably frat boys with dotcom money to burn.
Front of the house
It's the front of the house! Hooray!
Living Room
Mmm vertical blinds. Who doesn't love vertical blinds. Everyone. That's who.
Living Room
You can't see it clearly but this is the first of many "custom" paint jobs in the house which can only be classifed as "Spongetastic".
Kitchen
This is what hooked me on this house. I hope all my friends plan on gaining at least 10 pounds this year--because I'm going to be cooking up a storm.
Kitchen
I haven't even closed yet and already the kitchen counter is a mess.
Dining Room & Kitchen
The dining room and kitchen. And of course a glimpse of more sponge painting, this time around the front door.
Dining Room
This is a another "custom" paint treatment with (you guessed it!) more sponge painting! How much blue painters tape had to die to make this hideous wall?
Upstairs bathroom
The tile is nice, but I wonder where they got the classic harvest-gold paint. On the plus side it's one of the only rooms with no sponge painting in it.
Upstairs bathroom sink
I'll bet wherever they got the harvest gold paint threw in this plastic faux marble sink for good measure.
Master Bedroom
Master bedroom indeed. Clearly I will be the master of painting before all this is done.
Master Bathroom Sink
The sink. Nice. White. Porcelain. All the things a sink should be.
Master Bathroom
Has nice shower which can't be used because the old owners took the shower head with them. I hope they're showering in hell. Also why couldn't they have taken the fake brass doorknob while they were at it.
Master Bedroom Closet
One of the many, many mirrored closet doors in my house.
Downstairs bedroom
Since I have 2 upstairs guest rooms this little beauty is going to be transformed in to my wine room-library
Office
Not only does it have wood paneling that white strip around the bottom of the room has over 20 network ports which connect to a huge server in the closet. I can only presume this is where the on-line porn empire was run from because really what else needs that much connectivity. Strangely this this the only bedroom without mirrored closet doors.
Downstairs Bathroom
This is the downstairs bathroom. It's outside the porn office. I guess celadon green must look good under a blacklight. Other than a thorough scrubbing with copious amounts of bleach this room is almost good to go.
Backyard
In our continuing theme of downstairs laciviousness that raised sqaure used to house a hot tub. Of couse it did. To try and class things up a bit maybe I'll try my hand a topiary on those bushes.
Backyard view
Gorgeous mountain view from the back deck. And no sponge painting. Yay!
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